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Since no one wants to show up to a strange, new city and have nothing to do, here’s the skinny on all the uber-cool events going down at Miami Art Basel this year.

No promises can be made about accessibility, but as the saying goes, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Basel Castle

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The line-up for the annual gothic blow out, Basel Castle, is truly bananas this year featuring the artsiest of musicians from Travis $cott, Chance The Rapper, and SBTRKT to Been Trill, Heroes + Villains, and Mystery Skulls.

They’ll also have a gang of artist artists doing their thing during the party. That lists includes Greg Mike, Nosego, MADSTEEZ, Nychos, Meggs, Skinner, and installations artists Jeremyville, Wolfdog, and Chris Parks.

Saturday December 7th. Get tickets.

Juxtapoz Magazine

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Underground art magazine JUXTAPOZ is doing the Miami Art Basel equivalent of MTV Spring Break, renting a private beach house at the Shore Club and hosting a four-day party with San Fran’s Chandran Gallery starting Wednesday, December 4th.

There’s going to be brunches, BBQs, performances by DJs, art installations by Geoff McFetridge, Andrew Shoultz, Monica Canilao, and SWOON. Obey X Shepard Fairey is paying host one evening.

The events are all invite only, but you’ll figure out a way to get in.

Maison Martin Margiela x Atelier Swarovski

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It’s Maison Martin Margiela who makes Kanye’s Yeezus Tour masks. And It’s Swarovski who makes the crystal for them.

So, if you’ve found yourself gawking at pictures off Kanye’s costumes, find a way to get into the super-private cocktail party that both brands are throwing on Thursday, December 5th so you can see their new collaboration “Crystalactite” and an installation from French artist Baptiste Debombourg entitled “Stalker”.

For more, visit the event’s website.

Lapo Elkann x Del Toro x Italia Independent line

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Lapo Elkann is throwing a super exclusive cocktail party on Wednesday, December 4th to celebrate the launch of Miami shoemaker Del Toro’s new Italia Independent Line, then again on December 5th, at Del Toro’s also new Pop-Up Shop in Miami Beach.

Criminal Aesthetic Fashion at the Skyscraper Club

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Miami gallery Diana Lowenstein is kind of a big deal, and it’ll be hosting a fittingly big deal installation from NY artists Anna Galtarossa and Daniel Gonzalez called “Criminal Aesthetic Fashion at the Skyscraper club. It’s Lady Gaga‘s wet dream: the gallery is going to be converted to a “utopian space… with the dynamics of a nightclub… where you can dance with mechanical skyscrapers while wearing sculpture-shoes”.

There’s a reception on Saturday, Decemeber 7th, but the exhibit runs from December 4th until January 25th. Go to Diana Lowenstein’s website for more.

Collette x Alchemist

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It’s not an event, per se, but colette is hosting a week-long pop-up shop in collaboration with Miami’s Alchemist shop called the “Colette Art Drive-Thru at Alchemist”. The must-attend occasion runs from December 2nd to 8th.

Darkside x Flaunt magazine x 3P Productions x Mana Wynwood

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The fine folks at Flaunt Magazine, 3P Productions and Mana Wynwood (like the Miami equivalent of Milk Studios in NYC) are throwing a three-day blowout featuring the art world’s favorite rapper, Kendrick Lamar, on Wednesday, December 4th, the art world’s favorite music duo, Nicolas Jaar and Dave Harrington, a.k.a. Darkside, on Thursday, and everyone’s favorite English make up wearer, Boy George, on Friday.

On top of all that, there’s an installation by Children of the Light. Go to Mana Wynwood’s website for more.

The Standard

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The problem with being the hippest hotel in Miami is that, when Art Basel arrives, you have to go all-out with the events. There’s a whole laundry list, but here’s The Standard‘s one, must-attend event: the annual Basel wrap-up “Lazy Sunday BBQ” on December 8th featuring food, drinks, and an installation by Miami native Luis Pons called “Paper Boat”. We’d assume the installation is probably a big paper boat.

See the whole schedule of events at The Standard on their website.

Lady Gaga X The UNTITLED fair

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The annual UNTITLED fair kicks off this 2013 with two big VIP previews on Monday and Tuesday, December 2nd and 3rd. The first is hosted by bigger-than-Christmas performance artist Marina Abramovic to benefit the Elton John AIDS Foundation and the Marina Abramovic Institute.

Lady Gaga’s rumored to be on the guest list, so if seeing what wild costume she busts out for the mother-of-all-art events is on your list of to-dos, this is the one for you. For more, go to the UNTITELD fair’s website.

Don’t worry, you’ll get in to all these events. Maybe start making some calls right now.

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