My friend Jarrett has compiled a more than funny 2 part interview with a nurse from an emergency room. This could not be any funnier,,,
Got any crazy funny stories?
This is probably the funniest story. There was this fat lady that came in complaining about her stomach hurting. She said that she hadn’t taken a crap in two weeks. She said “I’m constipated…it hurts so bad”. She was screaming bloody murder. We bring her into the room, and she starts screaming, and raising hell. Typically, and I’m not being racist at all, but there are different cultures that have different ways of handling pain, and this is what we’re taught in nurses school. Asians will typically not say anything, they’ll be stoic and not say shit. They’ll very calmly tell you they are having a heart attck. White people are fine, they just sort of say “this hurts, can you help me?”. Mexicans and Blacks are screamers…they’ll SCREAM.
And they teach you this in Nurses school?
Yeah. I mean the they’re trying to be politically correct and say “Hispanics and African Americans are known to be more expressive”, but that just means they fucking scream like hell.
So this lady is screaming like she’s getting stabbed in the stomach. The doctor grabs me and tells me that we’re going to do a rectal exam to see if she’s constipated. We tell her to lie on her side, she lies on her side, and we look at her pants. We’re about to pull down her pants, and we see this big lump. I’m thinking that she took a dump already because at this point she stopped screaming. We pull down her pants, and she had a baby in her pants. She gave birth, and she totally denied knowing that she was pregnant. She told us she was on birth control, she totally denied it like “that’s not my baby”. I was like “that’s your baby, because I just saw it come out of you”, but she was so big that you couldn’t that she was pregnant. This is the funny thing…so we bring in the boyfriend, and he comes in thinking that she’s going to go home, and the doctor says “Congratulations. You’re a new father!” The boyfriend is like what the fuck. He’s bummed. That’s not the crazy thing…so it’s a black lady, the boyfriend is dark chocolate black, and the baby was mulatto. It was 100% obvious that that guy wasn’t the dad. It was kind of awkward.
