There are rules to being a rapper. Time-honored practices that have been followed since the beginning of time (or I guess like 1986), and are not to be ignored. There are probably hundreds of rapper commandments, but only three are important right now, and they are as follows:
1. No smiling in photos
2. Excessive hugging is not permitted
3. Never act too excited
It’s OK to have fun if you’re a rap artist, like throwing money into the air, pouring liquids of all varieties on strippers, having a pet monkey and feeding it lobster on a private plane (if you haven’t read about French Montana‘s monkey Julius Ceasor, you are not really living) and smoking copious amounts of marijuana, but not too much fun. Pillow-fighting-and-LOLing-while-sliding-down-a-rainbow-with-your-best-friend-kind-of-fun IS NOT ALL GOOD.
Apparently Drake did not get the rapper rule handbook.
The 1/2 Jew with insane eyebrows is consistently jovial, breaking his own “no new friends” credo by always making new friends, and generally enjoying himself… which I fully support. I applaud him for bringing some smiles to the rap game, because it makes sense that you would smile a lot when you’re rich and famous and basically do nothing all day except rap, post selfies on Instagram, and get pedicures (rappers in 2014 love getting pedicures.) But there is a fine line, and there’s one specific type of event that makes Young Drizzy cross it: when he gets around an NBA game, or NBA players.
Seriously, as soon as he’s exposed to the game or the men that play it, he turns into a teenage girl circa 1992 who has just met Marky Mark or any member of “The Funky Bunch.” HE FREAKS OUT. Pure, unadulterated fanboy sh*t. And sometimes it goes a step further, like you’ll find photos of him trying to make wildly intense eye contact with an NBA star, the big doe-y kind of eyes that a girl gives you when she looks up while giving you fellatio. Yes, Drake gives athletes blowjob eyes. It’s like the minute he steps in an NBA arena all he wants to do is hug and laugh way too hard. It happens all the time.
Don’t believe me? Click through the gallery above at my painstakingly compiled collection of photos of Drake acting weird around anything basketball related. Caution: It will freak you out.