Dearest Yeezus,

What up dude? How are you? You should be doing f*cking great, considering that you’re bonafide superstar/richer than God. While the economy is in the Lé Toilet, Obamacare is all jacked up, people are getting shot at schools/malls/LAX, and China is taking over the world, you fine sir, are killing it. Which leads me to my main question: What are you so angry about?

I’m getting the sense lately/always that you aren’t seeing things clearly. Do you feel under-appreciated? Ill contented? If so…why?

Your outbursts of anger are not a good look. Why are you screaming at Sway on his radio program? He’s basically the nicest guy ever.

Here are a few reasons you have to be happy:

1. You’re considered to be one of the most innovative and talented artists of your generation. (you also brought bedazzled Margiela facemasks to rap)


2. You‘re reportedly worth over 100 Million.

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3. You’ve won over 20 Grammys, and are ranked #8 for most Grammys ever won by a single artist.



4. You have your own Nike shoe and an Adidas shoe on the way.



5. You have a new baby and girl with an ass big enough to eat dinner off of.


But somehow it’s not enough. You are constantly expressing how you feel snubbed. How people don’t take you seriously. The fashion industry doesn’t give you enough credit, the award shows overlook you, people don’t compare you to Jesus enough.

But, dude. You gotta chill with all that. You’re a fucking rapper, not a fashion designer, not a religious martyr, not a great philosopher. You’re not Google (it’s funny that you called yourself Google.)

And that’s okay.

I’m not saying you’re lame, because you’re actually ridiculously cool, but you just seem mad at everybody, all the time. The problem is, you’re not cool in an angsty way, like Kurt Cobain or Tupac. Those guys were upset at the world and the status quo, their enemies were theoretical and abstract. You, on the other hand, are constantly going on award shows and doing interviews where you single out individual people, clothing, brands, and governments, who’ve wronged you. Those are grudges. And grudges are not cool.

Don’t tell everyone to not buy Louis Vuitton because some dude over there upset you. Don’t hate on Nike because, in your estimation, they looked down at you. That’s gross.

You’re fucking Kanye. Be a bigger person than that. Be as big a person as Kim’s ass is an ass.