It’s that time of year again, time for fashion designers to wheel out their 2014 Fall/Winter creations and unveil them to the world via the age-old practice of having emaciated boys walk down wall-less hallways.
It doesn’t matter whether it was in Milan or London, this year’s first battery of fashion shows have left SlamXHype with far more questions than answers. Maybe it’s some elaborate troll that only the High Fashion Industry is in on, but probably not.
Either way, there are the worst outfits from 2014 Fall/Winter collections so far.
The All-Leather Alien
KTZ thought it would be a good idea to have this thing on their runway; kind of like Channing Tatum from Magic Mike, if that movie had actually been a sexy update of E.T..
This dude walking for Super Duper Hats‘ new collection makes us wish that Mumford had a vasectomy.
The Nazi Cowboy
Philipp Plein wheeled out a model dressed like that dude from Justified if the dude from Justified went high-fashion and Hitler was his hero.
The Confused Cowboy Designer
Even this Versace model looks confused as to why those rhinestone patches exist.
The Man-Sized Blanket
The poncho top is obvious, but yo, J.W. Anderson, what the hell is up with those shoes?
The Lazy College Kid
Oh really, Missoni? Birkenstocks? And a pajama suit?
The Accidental Accent
Either this Lou Dalton model peed himself, or Lou Dalton designed some very strange accent moments into his show.
The Male Mulan
The designers of E-Tautz were sitting there singing, “Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons?”
Alexander McQueen wheeled out a model dressed like The Crow if The Crow went high-fashion and Hitler was his hero… wait, didn’t this just happen with Philipp Plein?
The Football Player In Silk
Are padded shoulders back in? Is silk a menswear staple now? Are capri pants not just for soccer moms and Rafael Nadal? Or platform shoes back from the grave? J.W. Anderson, tell us, please explain.
The Fleece Man
It’s as if MSGM pulled a Jeremy Scott, plagiarizing their catwalk outfits from a non-high fashion source. But here, it’s not from a legendary skateboard designer, but from every Bro’s favorite fleece slinger The North Face.
The Foxy Brown (Yes, The Rapper) In The ’90s
This dies, and should have stayed dead for all of eternity.
The Skiing Pope
Actually, it’s completely unclear what Xander Zhou was going for here.
The Black Tie Big Bird
Argyle Is The New Plaid Is The New Camo
Last week, Oliver Cane wrote an article for SlamXHype entitled Apparently Plaid Is The New Camo? about how Kanye and his “Bound 2” music video would have us believe plaid was the new pattern of choice for the fashionable. Now Moncler is hoping you’ll forget all about that and go with argyle, lots and lots of argyle.
The Make An Effort
And then Margaret Howell‘s models just looked like terribly dressed school boys.