Justin Bieber Dui

Well, it finally happened. Justin Bieber got a DUI (in Miami.) Any innocence he was holding onto at this point has officially evaporated. He is a man now. No longer a teen idol, no longer a pre-pubescent little shit, who makes middle school girls scream and cry. Justin has moved onto greener pastures, and has officially graduated into the DoucheBag category of Celebrity.

He claims to have retired from music all together, and he must be under the impression that he has enough money to sustain his lavish lifestyle forever. But I have a feeling Chapter 11 is in his relatively near future.

Bieber is all over the media, but everyone seems to be overlooking one of the most important and serious realities that go along with his departure from boy-hood into man-hood:

Who will be Justin Bieber’s successor as the official Teen Singer who looks like a lesbian?

There are more than a few strong front runners to carry the torch, but let’s look at some of the top choices.

CONOR MAYNARD

Justin Bieber Dui

This kid may be a fine singer or whatever , but he would be one hell of an incredible lesbian. Connor looks like the lesbian daughter of Elijah Wood, who now runs a photo studio in Tribeca.  He is a definite contender.

Austin Mahone

Justin Bieber Dui

I mean….what? This isn’t a lesbian? He wins. I now I still have a few more to get to but this kid is the winner. He beats Bieber. No?

ELYAR FOX

Justin Bieber Dui

First of all, what the fuck kind of name is Elyar Fox? Ill tell you. It’s the name of a Lesbian Dj who spins on Saturdays at your favorite hotspot who you always try and sleep with when you get really drunk. He’s literally eating candy in this picture. Maybe he should win the title actually? Tough Call.

SAM TSUI

Justin Bieber Dui

This guy definitely wins for the most lesbian-y name, and most Bieber-y hair, but I don’t think his whole look says Lesbian Chic the way the others do. He’s a no.

In the end, Bieber can never be replaced as he the original inventor of the Teen-Idol Lesbian Chic vibe. But as time goes on we will learn to love one of these other little tykes as if they were our own lesbian teen star!

Shabbot Shalom!

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Justin Bieber DUI

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